November 1st, 2023
God is good all the time….
If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the master and prepared to do any good work. – 2 Timothy 2:21
One year ago we went to SC….
Just My Healed Wife and I….
It was an anniversary trip…
While we were there….
Her back and neck pain became excruciating….
It was tough to get out of bed….
We were able to walk the beach once….
Put her toes in the sand….
It was not Navarre….
But it was the beach….
We knew something was going on in her body….
Did not expect the news we would get two weeks later….
She could not turn her head in any direction….
We found a juice bar and started to flood her body….
Flood it with all that we knew to do….
We found a sauna….
It seemed to bring a little relief….
Praise God He was with us….
Praise God He did not allow that pain to continue….
Although the disease worsened…..
He took that pain away….
He did not let the children see her in that pain….
He brought her a quality of life….
He took that specific pain away from her….
The journey started a month before in October….
A chiropractor x-ray showing a cracked vertebra….
With no explanation why….
It started the questions….
It started the doctor visits….
It started our beautiful horrible experience….
I look at happy couples sometimes….
I rejoice with them….
In a weak moment…
I let envy slip in….
Does he really appreciate what he has…..
His wife in the flesh….
Being a family with her husband….
Does he take her for granted…..
Does he know it could be different….
Tomorrow…
Does he treat her like there may not be a tomorrow….
Does he let the petty stuff go….
Does he focus on her beauty….
The beauty that Jesus sees in her….
Does he let her know she is loved….
Does he protect her….
Does he lead her….
Does he put his love in all that he does for her….
Does he believe in her….
Does he let her know he believes in her…
Does he make sure she feels special….
Not in his eye….
But in the eyes of the Lord…..
Does He point her to Him…..
Does he realize what he has….
I pull myself back to celebrating with them….
That they have each other….
That they can hold hands….
That they can look into each others eyes….
The Bible says to rejoice with those who rejoice….
That is what I choose to do….
I just want to tell him….
To love her like there is no tomorrow….
I was blessed with the opportunity to be all I could be to her….
I have no regrets….
I loved her the best I knew how….
I got better at it every day….
I love her today and forever….
God has been quiet lately….
I have been tired….
Distracted….
Nothing bad….
Just too much in my life….
I had no margin….
I tried to force more into this life without margin….
Everything started to unravel….
I have not been listening….
I was exhausted….
He was ready….
He was there….
I was not….
He was there….
Right by my side….
I have just not been still…
I have not been quiet….
I have not been rested….
I realized I was not being intentional….
I realized and turned back to Him….
I want to be useful to my Master….
I want to be prepared to do any good work….
I have two callings on my life right now….
To raise my 5 world changers in the ways they should go….
To spread the Gospel through my story…
I had ben failing at both over the last few weeks…
I missed the intimacy with the Lord….
He missed me….
He gave me many signs….
Signs to come back to Him…
I came back to Him yesterday….
He was waiting with open arms…
He missed me….
As much as I missed Him….
He downloaded so much on me….
Overwhelmed with His presence once again….
He started back with a few basics….
Making sure I was listening….
Making sure I was ready for Him…
For Him to continue to use me….
Use me to spread His goodness….
The story of His faithfulness…
The truth about his unconditional love….
Not just for me….
But for ANYONE who will receive it….
I have one word to describe His calling on my future….
GOSPEL….
What about it….
Know it….
Live for it….
Love because of it….
Spread it….
I can sum it up in three sentences….
We don’t deserve it….
Yet He chose to die so that we may have it….
All we have to do is receive it….
….All the time God is good
You said something in this blog about looking at happy couples and rejoicing with them but in a weak moment envying them.
I have had this feeling often and it only seems to get worse. As time goes on. I wish I knew how to get past that moment in my life.
Yes. I think it is normal and natural in the flesh to let those feelings creep in. To be envious. To wish we still had what they have. The physical presence of a loved one. It does not seem fair. When I see a couple together, it reminds me what I miss most about my healed wife. Her companionship, her touch, the sound of her voice… all stuff I cannot replace or experience again until we are together in heaven.
That place of envy can become a dark place if we choose to stay there. In fact, the Bible says that envy opens the door to all evil things (James 3:16). Staying in that place of envy is like leaving the front door wide open inviting all evil things into our life. It is very specific. It does not say envy opens the door to some some evil things, or a few evil things. It says all evil things. That is how dangerous envy or jealousy can be in our lives.
I have learned how to turn that envy into gratitude. I draw my strength from Him and His joy. “The joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10.) I have committed to developing an attitude of gratitude. To be thankful in all circumstances (I Thes 5:18). Not thankful for the circumstance, but thankful in spite of the circumstance. Otherwise we can stay in that dark place and creep into depression and all evil things.
When those thoughts creep into my mind, I choose to be thankful for the hope we have in Jesus. I remember that nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:37-39.) Nothing. I rest in His peace, His faithfulness, His love, His care for me. I turn my focus off me and my emotions, and I focus back on Him and His goodness. With gratitude for His grace in my heart, His Spirit begins to shine in me and allows me to rejoice with that couple. I begin to be grateful for them that they have each other. I become genuinely happy for them.
I am a peaceful wreck through this beautiful horrible experience. The peace and the beauty come only from Jesus. Without Him I am a wreck in this horrible season.