November 14th, 2023

November 14^th, 2023

God is good all the time….

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…”  Gen 50:20

The boys have been struggling a bit….

They are missing their healed mama….

Caleb rarely shows emotion….

He was down this weekend….

Just not happy about anything….

We talked….

He tried to be strong….

Act like it was everything else….

I finally asked…

Are you missing mom….

He leaned into me with a hug….

The tears began to flow….

He nodded his head yes….

It broke my heart…

It was good to see him cry….

To see him deal with the emotions….

To grieve….

We stayed in that moment for a bit….

Squeezing just a little harder….

Tears still coming….

He misses her….

I miss her….

We climbed out of the despair….

We moved to joy….

Joy in the hope of Jesus….

Joy in knowing she is with Him…

We prayed to Jesus….

Thanked Him for the hope we have in Him….

Asked Him to look to His right….

Tell his healed mama he loves her….

Tell his healed mama he misses her….

Jesus just held us….

Comforted us….

Let us feel His presence….

Peace and comfort came over us….

It was one year ago tomorrow….

We got the diagnosis….

Stage 4 breast cancer….

It had moved to her bones….

That began our journey….

Leaning into God more than we ever knew possible….

What the enemy meant for evil….

God was already turning for good…

Drawing us close to Him….

Introducing us to an intimacy with Him…

An intimacy I never want to lose…

An intimacy I want my children to feel….

An intimacy I am already seeing in some of them…

An intimacy that grows deeper every day…

Because I draw near to Him…

And He draws near to me….

She is no longer in pain…

She received her ultimate healing in heaven….

God is going to use her spirit in heaven….

To make an even greater impact…

Then when it was here on earth…

Her spirit made a pretty big difference…

When it was here on earth…

He will turn what the enemy meant for evil….

To good….

Caleb and I talked about that….

Found joy in that….

Pulled ourselves back….

Back to a place of comfort…

There is always peace….

Even when we hurt in the flesh….

There is still peace….

Knowing He has got us….

He has got her….

One of the last things she said to me….

It was just a whisper….

It was all she had….

Don’t stop living….

I never thought I would have to figure that out….

How to live without her…

He has let me know….

We are not without her….

She is with us….

She is in each of us…

Her legacy is in the children…

We are not living without her….

We are learning a new way of living with her….

We have not stopped living…

Through this new intimacy…

He is showing us how to live even stronger….

With Him….

With her….

I am not a single dad….

I am a single bodied dad….

I am multi spirited dad….

I have my one body….

He has sent many other bodies on earth…

To be His hands and feet…

To help in the flesh….

In the spirit…

I have Jesus…

The Holy Spirit…

My healed wife’s spirit in heaven….

Ministering Angels…

I have an army….

I am not alone…

We are not alone…

We are stronger than ever…

In Him…

Our faith is stronger than ever….

We will make a difference….

A difference for Him….

For the rest of our lives….

I get grouchy….

I get stressed….

That is when I take it on myself….

On myself to be the solution….

On myself to be the answer….

On myself to handle it all….

My pride takes over….

My attitude declines….

I am trying to carry a burden….

A burden I was not meant to carry….

A burden He chose to die for…

He died so He could carry our burdens….

Our sin of worry….

Our sin of pride….

Holding onto my cares….

Makes His sacrifice….

All for nothing….

That is not how He wants it….

He wants our intimate relationship….

One where we trust…

One where we love….

One where we believe….

One where we give….

Give Him all He has died for….

Our life….

Our thoughts….

Our love….

Our sins….

Our future….

Our eternity….

Our time….

Our hearts….

Our joy…

Our peace….

Our happiness…

Our sins….

Our cares….

Our stress….

Our troubles…

He died to carry our burdens…

So we do not have to….

Because we are not able to….

That is why I get grouchy….

Grouchy when I try to do this alone….

I get frustrated….

Feel like I am failing….

I turn to Him….

I turn to Jesus….

I turn to eternal victory….

Through Him….

And I am flooded…

With His joy…

With His peace…

With His presence…

My joy returns….

Through Him alone….

…..All the time God is good!