God is good all the time….
The Joy of the Lord is my strength – Nehemiah 8:10
Always one of her favorites….
All but one…
He came home Tuesday night…
I picked him up at 11:00 PM….
He was crying for dad….
He was homesick….
He greeted me with an embrace like never before…
I hugged him back…
Until he let go….
I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him….
He was having such a good time….
I have asked so many questions…
Some of the answers don’t make sense….
The enemy takes my mind to the worst scenario…
Did something inappropriate happen….
I am confident it did not….
We got home at midnight….
He slept until noon….
Might man does not cry very often….
Never sleeps til noon….
He is processing….
We played a game over the 4th of July….
If you could go anywhere in the world for vacation….
Money did not matter….
Where would it be…
Many beach responses…
Many exotic locations….
Caleb responded with a question….
Did it have to be on earth…..
His dream vacation was to go visit Mom in heaven….
We got up yesterday to go back to camp for the day….
I was going to pick him back up that evening…
He got ready…
But began to cry….
He did not want to go….
Many little reasons why….
They were not adding up…
I asked for the perfect scenario for the day…
His response….
For me to go with him and do the hikes….
He did not want to be without me….
He stayed home….
We did some guy stuff….
I understand how he feels….
I am happy for the girls to have had an amazing week….
I did not like being apart…
I am glad they come home today…
We continue to process….
To find our new way of living with her….
Yesterday Joseph asked…
What do we do about mom….
I asked him to explain…
He struggled….
He could not put the words to what he was feeling….
I asked him what he thought we should do….
He replied….
Remember her…
I assured him we will never forget her….
I asked how does he want to remember her…
His thoughts…
Keep talking about her….
We are all still processing…..
We did a daily devotional together on an app…
It has a place to share comments and thoughts….
I still share my thoughts with her on the app…
It has become obvious the busyness of the summer has helped us to not fixate on the hole….
But the hole is still there….
God has been with us every breath….
Every step….
Comforting us…
Surrounding us with love….
But there is still a hole in our flesh…
That will never be replaced….
We don’t want it replaced….
It is a part of the new way of living with her…
Trying to fill that hole may fade the memories….
Make us expect change….
Create frustration…
Embracing the hole that has been left….
Not ignoring….
Not filling….
But embracing….
God has shown us that is the path to living with her….
Embrace the hole….
Talk about her…
Cry about her….
Laugh with her….
Remember her….
Honor her….
God has such amazing plans for this family….
He will use the hole to His glory….
The hole will testify to others….
Bless others….
Serve others….
And always be a part of our life….
She will always be with us….
In the spirit….
But in the flesh…
There will always be a hole….
Only the Grace of Jesus can show us joy in that hole….
He is doing that one breath at a time…
His joy is our strength….
….. all the time God is good