God is good all the time….
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. – Psalm 23:6
Christmas is coming up quickly….
I am not ready….
It is tough to prepare with two people….
Every day I realize more of what she did….
What she did for me….
For the children….
I am pretty sure I was not carrying my weight….
I thought I appreciated her when she was here….
I thought I showed her gratitude….
I thought I supported her….
The more I realize all that she did….
The more I realize….
I did not carry my weight…
I did not appreciate her enough….
I did not show her enough gratitude….
I did not support her enough….
I did not ensure she felt loved….
By me….
By the Lord….
Every minute of every day….
Loved by me…
Loved by the Lord….
That is what she deserved….
To never feel….
Like she was anything but….
The most important person on this earth to me….
That she was more important than my job….
That she was more important than our children…
That she was more important than the project I was working on….
That she was more important than the show I was watching….
That she was more important than whatever I was doing on my phone…
That she was worth dropping everything to take care of her….
To just be fully present with her…
Every minute she needed me….
I think I treated her well….
But nowhere close to what she deserved….
I don’t have the chance to redo it….
I hope I showed my boys a glimpse….
A glimpse of how to support a woman…
How to love her….
How to care for her…
How to appreciate her….
How to be present with her….
How to point her to the Lord….
How to do life together….
How to be a family….
I have learned so much….
I have so much more to learn….
I have so much to share….
I have so much to teach….
My boys will be better versions of me….
They will be better because of this season….
I pray that through my actions with my healed wife….
That through my actions as I continue to learn…
Through the wisdom I share with the boys….
That my girls see….
See how a Godly man should treat them….
See what to expect in a Godly relationship….
See that it is out there….
See that they deserve the man God designed for them…
And nothing less….
That when they find him….
He will treat them even better….
They deserve better…..
The responsibility of a leader of the family is tremendous….
The responsibility of the man….
There is a song….
By Sanctus Real….
Lead me….
I cry EVERY time I hear it….
I have heard it a lot….
I cry every time….
The signs of a good leader….
Is one that realizes he cannot do it alone….
The signs of a good leader….
Is one who realizes he needs the Lord….
Needs the Lord to lead him….
Before he could every lead anyone else….
The responsibilities are more….
More than any man can handle alone….
The Lord is the only way….
The only way to lead….
The only way to find peace….
The only way to find true love….
The only way to find satisfaction….
The only way to lead…
To realize…
That we should chase His dreams for our life….
Not our plans for our life….
To make His thoughts our thoughts….
Not to make our thoughts His thoughts….
To live a life worthy of His calling…..
That is where leaders are born…
Thought following Him….
Joseph and I were snuggling in bed last night….
We had a beautiful conversation…..
He asked me if I missed sleeping with Mom…..
I said yes I do….
I asked him if he missed snuggling with her….
He said yes he does…..
He said he misses her laugh….
He said it with a tremendous joy….
With a tremendous peace….
As a loving memory….
Not a painful hole….
He said he loves how hard she laughs….
Laughs at Cory on Dude Perfect….
When he tries to go through a doorway….
A glass door….
That is closed….
The look on his face….
After he hits the door….
Priceless….
That always made her laugh….
Laugh so hard she cried….
We all loved the sound of her laugh….
It was contagious…..
Intoxicating….
Joseph slammed into a sliding glass door yesterday…..
After we realized he was ok….
We laughed….
Laughed with him….
Not at him….
I reminded him how that makes his mom laugh….
I told him she was laughing with him right now…..
Probably hitting rewind….
A few times….
Laughing just as hard….
Each time….
It did not bring him tears….
Or sadness….
It brought him joy….
He could hear his mom laugh….
It brought about the sweet conversation….
The one a few hours later….
Snuggling with dad….
Remembering his mom….
And her awesome touch….
Her amazing laugh….
It was a beautiful moment….
We were both present in the moment….
The Lord was present….
Her spirit was alive in us both….
In memory….
Her legacy….
Will live on….
Hannah celebrated her 15th birthday not long ago….
I sung happy birthday to her….
It was horrible…
But the heart was there….
She was smiling ear to ear….
We embraced in a long hug….
The tears started to flow….
I knew what she was thinking….
I told her that her healed mama was so proud of her….
Her 15 year old sweet girl….
She squeezed me a little tighter….
We were leaving for FL….
We were late….
Meeting some friends on the way….
They were waiting on us….
We hugged a little longer….
I reminded her how much her mama loves her….
And always will….
She is such a tremendous reflection of her mama’s heart….
It was a sweet moment….
After a bit….
I asked her….
Do you know what mama is doing now….
She wiped away a tear….
Looked up at me….
Shook her head no…..
I said….
She is down in the car….
Honking the horn…..
Telling us to Get. Down. Stairs. Now.….
We both laughed out loud….
Remembering….
Leaving on time….
Especially for vacation….
Was a pet peeve of hers….
There were a lot of things we could be late for….
Vacation was not one of them….
Her priorities were right….
We laughed….
Hugged a bit longer….
And pressed on…..
Her legacy will live on….
Though our memories….
Through our amazing world changers….
That she so selflessly raised in the Lord….
I promised her I would not mess them up…
He is making sure I don’t…..
She is making sure I don’t….
The impression she left runs deep…..
In all of us….
And continues to shine….
In all of us….
….. all the time God is good.
Leave a Reply