April 23rd, 2024

God is good all the time…..

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. – Colossians 3:2

We are in a tough stretch…

The memories from a year ago…

Were some tough times….

April and May of 2023….

In the flesh….

Were tough months….

My healed wife came home from a hospital visit….

In early April….

To never have her feet touch the floor again….

The memories of this time last year are not so fun….

To think of her pain….

Not the memories we want….

I sheltered the children as much as I could….

Tried to not let them see it all….

She slept a lot….

When she was awake….

She was hurting….

We finally started on morphine….

Her comfort became the focus….

It caused her to sleep more….

In spite of all she was going through….

When she was awake….

She was praising God….

In the height of her pain….

Thank you Jesus….

Thank you for your love….

Thank you for your sacrifice….

Thank you for salvation….

I love you Jesus….

I praise you Jesus….

The punk tried to tear her away from Him….

The harder he pressed….

The closer she drew to God….

The closer we all drew to God….

Although I sheltered the children….

They still saw….

Their mom never getting out of bed….

Sleeping…

Them having to leave the room…

Because nausea was spiking….

One at a time….

But they also saw….

In spite of her afflictions….

She never….

Never….

Stopped growing in the Word….

Growing in her love for Him….

Listening to teaching…

Loving Him…

More every day…

Over the last week or so….

Tears have come….

It had been easier to think back and remember healthy mom…

When a year ago she was at least getting out of bed….

We are past that point….

We have to be more intentional….

To remember healthy mom….

We let the tears flow….

Mourn for a moment…

Then we start talking about the good times….

Our favorite times….

Hearing her laugh….

We circle back to joy….

We circle back to celebrating….

We circle back to knowing….

No matter how much fun she had here on earth….

It does not compare….

To the glory she is in now….

It does not compare….

We rest in knowing that….

We have peace in understanding….

We rejoice in the truth….

Each one has shed tears recently….

It has brought out healthy conversation….

Talking about what we miss most….

Focusing on all that was good in her….

Wiping the tears away…

With the good memories…

Bringing back smiles….

Ending our conversations in laughter….

They are still learning…

We are not living without her….

Just a new way of living with her….

God is so faithful….

His hand has been on us….

Every….

Step….

Every….

Breath…

He has been with us….

He has brought us peace….

He has brought us joy….

He has surrounded us with love….

He has poured out His blessings on us…

He has brought people into our lives…

He has renewed relationships….

He has opened eyes to new relationships….

He has not allowed us to stay in the dark….

He has shown us how to walk in His glory….

He has used others….

So many others….

New friends…

Old friends….

Family….

New relationships….

He has used them all….

To support us….

To touch us….

To pour His love on us….

My sister….

A once strained relationship….

If any relationship at all….

Does not let a day go by….

Without reaching out to me….

Without letting me know she is thinking about me….

Without letting me know she loves me…

I cherish where we are….

I thank God for where we are…

Only He could restore our relationship….

It is more than restored….

It is far greater….

Then it has ever been….

I am so grateful for her….

More than she knows….

New relationships….

I never thought I could love again….

I thought I was single the rest of my life….

He has shown me I can love again….

He has shown me it is ok to love….

It does not diminish what I had with my healed wife in heaven….

It does not take away from it….

My relationship with my healed wife in heaven….

Made me a better man….

Made me the right man….

For the next season….

The new relationship….

Totally unique….

Totally different….

Totally its own….

I expected nothing the rest of my life….

God has shown me exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask or think….

He has brought me a beautiful relationship…

My resume…

On paper….

Not so good…..

Widowed….

Father of five….

Ages 8 to 16….

Homeschooler…..

Personal bankruptcy 3 years ago….

Unemployed….

Not seeking a job….

Believing the Lord is calling him to something more….

Serving Him in a bigger capacity….

Trusting the Lord….

Surrendering to the Lord….

Like never before…..

That resume would scare most people away….

Actually all people….

But one….

That one….

That one sits with me….

And wipes my tears away….

With compassion….

Tenderness….

Love….

She wipes the tears from my cheek….

Listening….

Loving….

She does not care about the resume…..

She gently supports….

Loves me….

Loves my children….

Talks to them about their healed mom….

All the time….

She helps to keep their healed mom in heaven a part of our life….

This is a part of the new way of living with her….

Not without her….

She is not trying to replace her….

In any of our lives….

She is just walking along beside us….

She is exceedingly….

Abundantlhy….

More….

Then I could ask or think….

God is so faithful….

He is so good….

I never thought…

Never thought….

I would be writing these words…

That I could hurt….

And love….

All at the same time….

Or that I could ever love again….

Without taking away from the love I have…

For my healed wife in heaven….

Andrea’s path was so much harder….

So much longer….

I wish her path was not so hard….

But God brought us together….

For just this season…..

To continue to pour out His love….

On us both….

The children are all in different stages…

But stages of acceptance….

They all are drawing closer to her….

At their own pace….

In their own time….

The boys….

Quicker than the girls….

The boys need a mom figure…

A womans touch…

The girls….

Worried about losing their dad….

I assured each of them…

One on one….

Nothing will come between our dad and daughter relationship…

Nothing….

This new relationship….

If it is of God….

Will only bring us closer….

They are all in support….

At their own pace….

Excited to see where God takes this next season….

One breath at a time….

One step at a time….

We are walking with Him….

He is not letting go….

Squeezing our hands….

Snug….

Guiding us….

Going before us….

Loving us….

…. All the time God is good.