God is good all the time….
But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made… Luke 10:40
It has been an emotional week….
As if anything is “usual” in this season…..
Not sure why….
But in the flesh….
It has been tough….
A few more tears this week….
Maybe closing in on school…
The return to routine….
A routine I don’t know how to do without her….
A routine I never thought I would have to do without her…
I have lots of help…
We will be fine….
It is just all new….
We are learning…
Learning a new way to live with my healed wife….
We continue to celebrate in the spirit with her….
When I get down….
When I get to missing her beauty beside me…
Holding her hand….
Gently swinging…
Discussing life….
Feeling her love….
The tears well up….
I just remember where she is….
In the presence of His greatness….
Without pain….
Without need….
In the presence of pure love….
When I think of what would fix my pain in the flesh…
To have her here….
In this world….
With the pain….
All the crazy….
Where is my love for her….
How selfish is that…..
To want her here….
And not by His side…..
It brings it all into perspective….
I begin to rejoice with her again…
I ease back under His Grace….
Lean back into the Hope we have in Him….
I begin to feel the joy of the Lord…
I get my strength back….
We will be ok….
She made sure of that….
He is making sure of that….
She has left her mark in all of us….
She has poured herself into all of us….
She has left us better than she found us….
So much better…
The children…
Me….
Anyone who crossed her path….
Is better for knowing her….
She showed us pure love on earth…
She is still with us….
Just in a different way….
We rejoice….
We see her in each other….
We choose joy….
He is taking care of our EVERY need….
He is SO faithful….
It has been a busy summer….
On the edge of too busy….
The children are tired….
We are resting as a family today….
He continues to put it on my heart to be still….
To walk slowly…
To allow him to order my steps….
To not get caught up in busyness….
To not leap through this season….
But just walk with Him…..
Feel His presence….
Receive His Grace….
Turn to Him always…..
I have a tendency to leap….
Once I get a glimpse of direction….
I stop trusting him….
And put my trust in me …..
Put my head down….
And leap….
That does not work well….
I have done it so many times….
You would think I would learn….
I end up like Martha….
Distracted….
In what I think is the right direction….
Working ever so diligently…..
In the wrong direction….
Because I did not have the patience to walk…
To trust….
To just sit at His feet and be still…..
Listening….
He is always there to talk….
To guide….
To direct…
My steps….
But I leap….
I end up busy….
Distracted…
Thinking I am performing for Him….
Honoring Him….
Trying to earn something He has already given me….
He just wants my presence….
To walk with Him….
To stop running our ahead of him….
And getting lost….
He is here now….
Lifting us up….
With his righteous right hand….
Keeping me from running ahead….
Leading my family in the wrong direction…
In my direction…
Not His direction…
I am a fixer….
I have never felt a bigger need to fix….
I tug to charge forward…
He squeezes my hand tighter…
It is what I need right now…
For Him to watch over me like a child….
To squeeze my hand…
Keeping me from leaping forward…
And getting lost in the crowd….
Getting distracted…
Losing my intimacy with Him….
That intimacy that is so so beautiful….
That is the beautiful of this beautiful horrible experience…
He does not want me busy….
He wants us walking with Him….
Trusting Him….
Keeping us safe with Him….
I have so much to share….
He is flooding my heart with so much….
I have lost the ability to talk to my best friend…
My wife….
My accountability partner…
Sharing is my therapy….
Maybe a way to give….
Maybe a way to help just one person….
Help them find peace…
Help them find love….
Hep them find hope….
Help them in their season….
He has asked me to be available ….
For Him to use me….
So He can give to others….
To use what the enemy meant for evil…
And turn it to good….
…. All the time God is good!
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